Truth Over Fear
Ever since my preteen years, I’ve struggled with a certain amount of anxiety. At times it takes the form of perfectionism. At other times like claustrophobia, restlessness, or feeling overwhelmed by internal and external chaos.
A few times over the course of my adult life, it has looked like plain old fear. Vivid scenes of tragedy befalling a loved one. Tears in the middle of night for a myriad of “what if” situations. This form of anxiety has taken on a new, more insidious form within me since becoming a mother. I can’t say whether it’s because Caleb was born with extra vulnerabilities or if I would experience it to the same degree had he been born a typical child. But the reality is that I have lost so much sleep over the last 19 months because of fear. Fear of not only losing him, but of losing him in various horrific ways.
I know all the verses about fixing your mind on Him (Isaiah 26:3), taking one’s thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), giving thanks, and thinking on things that are true (Philippians 4:6-8). I would try to “do” all these things without experiencing any real relief from the onslaught of intrusive images.
As I finally started confronting my fear and anxiety in a more honest way, I realized some things. The “truth” I would try to fight my fears with looked a lot like logic, statistics, shallow consolation, even entitlement. “The chance of that actually happening is slim.” “He’ll be fine.” “Something like that won’t happen to me.”
In a way, I had found myself subscribing to an erroneous theology of comfort and safety.
The problem with my attempts to counter my fear with things that are “true” is that they weren’t actually based in God’s truth. It’s no surprise that strategy didn’t offer any hope!
What’s true is that sometimes God asks His people to walk through really hard things.
- Sometimes a person’s worst fear does become reality.
- I’m not entitled to be spared suffering this side of heaven.
What’s also true is that He has a purpose for our suffering.
- He uses all things for His glory- even painful things (Romans 8:28).
- The loss and pain we experience in this life prepares us for the glory that awaits us in the next life (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).
- God has promised abundant comfort in our suffering so that we can comfort others in their suffering, as well (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
These truths have been hard to confront initially. But what’s mysteriously beautiful in this upside-down paradigm of His kingdom is that acknowledging, accepting and submitting to these truths is what has ultimately brought peace to my mind and heart. His truth, no matter how hard for my human mind and heart to believe at times, is still the thing that sets me free from fear and anxiety.
For those who are navigating hard things, I’d invite you to read, re-read, and even consider memorizing key verses from the first five chapters of 2 Corinthians.
May the Lord give you courage to confront the thing you fear the most, surrender it into His loving hands, and allow His truth to set you free.